Landlady
By admin | September 8, 2009
“She sits there thinking that the answer
To life will come soon and romance her
Waiting for true love to enfold her
Hasn’t anyone ever told her
That this is all there is to it
And if she wants it done, she’s got to do it?
But she just can’t seem to see through to this
She’s so foolish….”
Rosie confronted me in the kitchen: “Mary Ann, did you write that song about me?” Her head was angled to one side, her chin down as she looked at me sharply over the top of her reading glasses. I was standing in front of the kitchen counter strumming my guitar with my back to the sink. I was leaning over my spiral notebook which was lying on the counter next to Rosie’s cookie jar when she suddenly appeared. “Uh…no,” I said, “I didn’t.” She looked doubtful, shook her head gently back and forth and stammered, “Because if … if you wrote that about me, Mary Ann…I…I just….” “Rosie, I didn’t. I didn’t write it about you. I wrote it about me.” I felt surprised she didn’t know this, but then, she was just my landlady.
I don’t think I asked her to listen to the song, though why else would I be singing in the kitchen with her in the house? I had learned well at my parents’ home to keep to myself or suffer the consequences: yelling, a wallop, ridicule, or nothing – possibly worst of all. Rosie’s house, in total contrast, was a caring environment, though we were complete strangers when I moved in. I guess I ventured out of my room with my guitar that day and dared to play my latest song to see what would happen.
It hadn’t occurred to me that Rosie would think I wrote the song about her. I would never have even thought the words “she’s so foolish” in connection with Rosie, Read the rest of this entry »
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White Milk
By admin | January 21, 2009
I saw the film “Milk” starring Sean Penn a of couple weeks ago in a theater in Santa Monica. Last night I went to view the academy-award-winning documentary film “Times of Harvey Milk” (which “Milk” was based on) at the Santa Monica Public Library. I wanted to see whether the documentary did any kind of exploration into the relationship between Harvey Milk and Dan White. Unfortunately, it did not, and I am left wondering. In the Penn film, that relationship appeared to contain elements that based the tragic shooting in interpersonal difficulties between Milk and White, rather than the seemingly homophobic light in which I had (poorly) understood the event due to not having all the facts.
I was not living in California when Harvey Milk made his 4 bids for public office, nor when he was at last elected as a City Supervisor in San Fransisco. I genuinely appreciate the story-telling in the documentary, and in the film “Milk,” for the fact that the positive force that was Harvey Milk, his political savvy, and the gains he made for the LGBT community, do come through, as well as any elements of who he was and how he lived that are worthy of exploration and question.
That 3 former lovers of Harvey’s would commit suicide, and that Dan White himself eventually commits suicide, is a strange coincidence. In “Milk” we see a rather unsupportable connection between Harvey and a Latino or Hispanic male who becomes his lover, the third lover who takes his own life. The man seems to have no self beyond Harvey, and Harvey himself has a larger personality and purpose than what an intimate relationship can contain or support. For this reason, his former lover Scott leaves him, unable to tolerate a 4th bid for public office.
I would recommend “Milk” as well as the documentary Times of Harvey Milk. The documentary did win an academy award. I don’t think it really matters whether “Milk” does or not. The story is worth having been told twice, and the Hollywood version is well done, true to the documentary, and with more details viewers want to know, especially after seeing “Milk.” The acting is very believable and real.
“Milk,” the film, succeeds in bringing to light the meaning and value of sexuality in our daily lives. It’s not just about having sex; it’s about having the freedom to love. Sexuality has long been a murky area where humankind’s inhumanity to itself has thrived without bounds. Rather than respectful boundaries, we have instead had those imposed by religious rules that do not spring from trust or love of the body, of the genders, or of mortality. The story of Harvey Milk’s and Dan White’s lives as they intertwined via the events depicted in these films calls to the heart of humanity: “Come forth now! Choose hope instead of fear.”
I was left wondering why all murderers are not given the same consideration as Dan White received. Why shouldn’t they be? The issues addressed in these films are not “black and white,” so to speak. Where prejudices and fear blind us to our complexity, the life of Harvey Milk as told through these films sheds some much-needed light.
Got Milk?
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Our Tender Feelings
By admin | November 11, 2008
Today, Time.com quotes a law professor who specializes in lesbian and gay rights as saying, in referring to the passing of California’s Prop 8, that it’s never been about marriage. Those who supported Prop 8 in California and similar laws in other states like Arizona and Florida have said that if marriage is not “protected” then legislating morality will one day be completely undone and we will have “full normalization” of homosexuality. Somehow in our society, love is the greatest threat that must be beaten down at all costs, and violence is glorified as protection and morality. As Homer Simpson once said when a couple was making out in front of his kids, “How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings!”
In certain animal societies, sexual energy functions as a harmonizing influence. For example, animal studies have shown that at least 80% of the interactions between male giraffes are classified as “homosexual.” Giraffes are highly intelligent. They do not preemptively strike in pseudo self-defense, but they do protect themselves if directly threatened. Their hooves are heavy enough that, if attacked by a lion, they can seriously injure the lion by striking out. But they do not strike first; they are not violent creatures. The sexuality freely expressed between males in their species has the ultimate effect of lowering aggression.
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The Spirit of the Law
By admin | November 5, 2008
Voter approval of a ban on gay marriage in California with the passage of Proposition 8 is in keeping with the spirit of the law governing traditional marriage. Marriage is clearly currently legislated according to age-old spiritual traditions. That “spirit” is rooted in a hierarchical power dynamic in the couple and family, with women and children on the lower rungs of the hierarchy. As someone raised in a traditional home, working class, and Catholic, I have experienced first hand the adherence to that tradition as responsible for the failures of, and pain in, marriage and family. I experience that said “age-old spiritual tradition” as based on the de-valuing and oppression of what is considered “feminine.”
The movement to change the legal definition of marriage is one way we have attempted to address the limits of traditional marriage; civil unions are another way to address them. I believe civil unions can include what we experience in our lives as “spirit,” and that, if civil unions are made available to same-gender couples, as well as to different-gender couples who do not subscribe to traditional marriage, the law will then recognize and protect the sanctity of human relationships and families beyond the traditional marriage model. I do not need to be “accepted” by those who would oppress me. I do, however, need to be protected and supported by those who know another way beyond oppression.
Thus, I adhere to the philosophy “espoused” by Jodie Foster’s character, Dr. Eleanor Arroway, in the film Contact: “I have always believed that the world is what we make of it.”
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What Is A Crush?
By admin | October 21, 2008
I just got off the phone with a friend and asked her, “What do you think the energy of a crush is?” She said she never really thought about it. I’ve taken some time during the past few years to really think about it, aided by the practice of yoga, and studying nonviolence. Following are some thoughts I want to share.
Awhile back, I set out to write a song about a crush, and wrote “Evicted,” which tells the true story of a man who was crushed by a tree falling on him while he sat in his truck at a stoplight in Berkeley, California. Somehow, my song morphed from being about a crush to the actuality of a man being crushed and losing his life. I have long recognized a connection between crushes, and life and death: a strong early influence on my life is Thomas Mann’s book Death in Venice.
In high school, I wrote a song called “But I Wonder” in which I described my experience of crush feelings at that time. I had the sense then that to do something other than what was expected of me with “crush” feelings (i.e. get married, have children) would mean not fulfilling a duty that, frankly, I did not consider mine to fulfill. My understanding that this “duty” was not natural sent me willingly into outcast territory, as the lyrics proclaimed: “I’m talking dereliction….” Read the rest of this entry »
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If You Want To, Let It Be
By admin | May 26, 2008
“… I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be.”
Yesterday I was remembering that beautiful song by the Beatles. Paul McCartney said he was visited by his deceased mother in a dream during the time when he and the Beatles were recording the Let It Be album. The Beatles were then mightily struggling in their work and relationships with one another, and were ultimately in the process of breaking up. Said John Lennon about the group’s experience, “It had become a job.” Paul’s mother said to him in the dream, “It will be alright. Let it be.”
In Thomas Hardy’s Return of the Native, Thomasin, at home in Egdon Heath, walks its wild, thorny terrain as branches and grasses seemingly part for her wherever she goes. Eustacia, on the other hand, longs to leave the heath behind for a more worldly life. Her clothing catches and tears on the branches; she is whipped in the face by every bramble she passes.
There is a tendency to think we should try to keep things together that are coming apart, try to make things work that aren’t working. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Read the rest of this entry »
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Sing, Risk, Be Heard and Blossom!
By admin | May 22, 2008
Last October I got excited by Annie Lennox‘ then-new release “Songs of Mass Destruction,” which included “Sing!” Annie and 23 other famous women singers recorded the song to raise money for Treatment Action Campaign, an organization working to educate women about AIDs/HIV in South Africa. But it was the opening lyrics and exciting vocals of “Sing!” that moved me:
“Sing my sister, sing! Let your voice be heard!”
I posted enthusiastically about Annie’s song and its purpose on a Nonviolent Communication web group. “NVC” intends to be the verbal equivalent of yoga’s “ahimsa.” But group members in that particular web group posted that the song just seemed to be a gimmick to get attention for the musical artist and they didn’t want such postings in the group. At times, I also question the ego’s role, and commercialism, but to me, supporting musical or other creative artistry itself is a worthy cause. Add to that the energy freely given by people devoting themselves in service to others, and the healing effects multiply.
I released a CD a few years back but soon became frustrated by the fact that playing songs in coffee shops at 11 p.m. for free didn’t pay the bills. I got grouchy and stopped performing. I also decided to try putting the good energy of music to work in other ways. I wanted to somehow incorporate the values of music into the workplace. Read the rest of this entry »
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Driver’s Seat
By admin | April 27, 2008
Volkswagen ran an ad campaign awhile back that said, “Drivers Wanted.” For a car company, that’s an understandable call to action. But, when it comes to society and human interactions, can we all always be in the driver’s seat?
Dreams & Visions
After I started a new job recently, I had a dream that I was in a car being driven by the leader of my new office. In the front passenger seat was the firm’s second in command. I was in the back seat behind the second in command. Now, I guess that would be where the paralegal would sit in the hierarchy of a law office. But, in my dream, I saw myself moving as if to get out of the back seat. In waking reality, I have been planning a return to school so I can become an attorney, for me, a long educational road. Meanwhile….
I can think of two prior situations in personal relationships in which I was actually in that back seat position, behind the front passenger seat. In each of these situations, I chose that position, though unhappily. In one situation, feeling frustrated and not knowing where I fit, I took the position to which I believed I was being relegated. In the other, I also did not know what my place was, and took that seat by default.
Do What My Wife Does
Before working in law offices, I worked in construction. One of the foreman I worked with once said to me of our interactions, “You need to do what my wife does with me.” Around that time, I was taking a Psychology of Women class, and I recall the title of an article in the class textbook, Feminist Frontiers: “Must Women Operate the Family Switchboard?” Must I do what a wife does, but in the workplace? However, as I mentioned before, even in personal situations, I chose a backseat position, not fully understanding what I was doing. This is what the US Supreme Court said Lilly Ledbetter did in her employment situation.
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Calming the Cobra
By admin | April 6, 2008
In Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda featured his interview with Mohandas K. Gandhi
“Mahatmaji … please tell me your definition of ahimsa.“
“The avoidance of harm to any living creature in thought or deed.”
“Beautiful ideal! But the world will always ask: May one not kill a cobra to protect a child, or one’s self?”
“I could not kill a cobra without violating two of my vows: fearlessness, and non-killing. I would rather try inwardly to calm the snake by vibrations of love. I cannot possibly lower my standards to suit my circumstances.” With his amazing candor, Gandhi added, “I must confess that I could not carry on this conversation were I faced by a cobra!”
How can we experience or generate calming “vibrations of love” as we face the cobras of everyday existence in our daily interactions? How can we live in harmony when we experience discordant vibrations in our environment, in each other, and/or in ourselves? Like the strings of a piano or guitar that resonate with a loud sound made nearby, we, too, hum or jangle with the tensions in each other and in our environments.
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Being the Change
By admin | March 30, 2008
In high school, I wrote poems to a girl who was in my gym class. I didn’t know how else to go about making her acquaintance, other than by sharing the poems. They were part of a series of writings, including songs, inspired by Thomas Mann’s book Death in Venice. I called the series, “My Own Little Tadzio.”
In Death in Venice
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